Customer Service and Three Dog Night

When it comes to customer service in telecom, ‘70s rock group Three Dog Night had it right: One really is the loneliest number. It’s like being the prettiest girl in the school. Everyone wants to be associated with her, but they’re afraid they’re not good enough. And they’re usually right. Not about the girl, but about being No. 1 in customer service.

Taking nothing away from Verizon’s efforts to enhance self care, which is the right thing to do any way you look at it, no company nor any computer system is anyway near making self-care the hot-toddy it needs to be to soothe the frustrations of simple customer care.

Technology’s biggest failure in the modern world of commerce is its inability to effectively answer the questions or solve the problems of most consumers. It has failed to live up to other expectations as well, falling short of its promise of fostering a paperless society, for example. But after 30 years or so, computers and their apps have finally begun to make progress in that direction. Technology, by way of the Internet, was supposed to bring the world together as people were exposed to unfamiliar cultures. While that turned out to be a joke, I believe we – or our ancestors – will get there. It’s simply a matter of having to feel the pain before the gain.

It’s not that technology’s failure to streamline customer care is as important as these other items; it’s just that customer care seems like such as easy problem to solve. Answer the phone, be nice to people and solve their issues. This is where the number 1 comes back into play.

Even knowing it’s their customers’ pet peeve, even after promising to change, after all its attestations that it had, my phone company still has far too many numbers to call to get someone to pay attention and provide care. It wants me to be a buyer of bundles, but it doesn’t want to treat me as one.

And they aren’t even transferring customers and staying on the line to make sure they get transferred to the right department to make it seem like one phone call. AT&T still hands you off. I know it’s an old gripe, but if the company models its self-care systems after current practices, self care will be dead on arrival. Forcing customers to the Web for help by driving them crazy the old-fashioned way is not the answer. All they’re doing is replacing the loneliest number with the saddest experience.

To understand that reference, just start singing that goofy song in your head. Hopefully it won’t stick.

E-mail me at heyBOSS@vpico.com or click on the comment button below.